Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Pissing people off since 1989....And getting better at it everyday !!!

   In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man doesn't have to worry about people staring at his patch.

   who needs people when you got pizza

   I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 married people high five each other because it’s positive.

   "Try googling Google and then hit lucky.....then Bing Bing, and Yahoo Yahoo. If you really bored Bing Google then Google Bing Yahoo" - me at the bar talking to a nerdy girl drunk!

   Let be grateful for the people who make us happy and get rid of the deadwood that makes us sad.

   Why don't people scream when they get stabbed in movies?

   Sometimes I wish the Wizard of Oz was real. I know people that could benefit from a trip to see him. Downside would be flying monkeys flinging poo. I haven't figured out all the Pros v Cons, but I'm leaning towards flying sh!t bombs. I hate stupid people.

   When people text or typ "ROTFLMFAO" do you really think they are rolling of the floor laughing? If so how are they typing that status?

   Cell phones are great but I wish people would select better ringtones than, "Ring, ding, dong, Ringer, Ringer, Ding, Ding, Dong..."WTF???

   facebook the place where people change there profile picture more then they do there underwear

   gonna stand outside, so when people ask where I am you can tell them "He's outstanding!"

   I think it's about time we start requiring people to show us their bank account statements first before we can call them celebrities. Too many broke a$$ folks trying to pass themselves off as important and deserving of the celebrity status.

   we spend the money we don't have, to buy the things we don't need, to impress the people we don't like.

   Life is like a carpet. Family and friends will always walk over you, and when you get dirty, the ones that clean you up.....are the people that truly care for you.

   Would a novel about an ethnically diverse community of slightly more than 4 dozen people devoted to alternative sexual lifestyles be titled "50 Shades of Gay?"

   Our economy would probably be much better if people only spent less time using facebook during work hours!!!

   I'm going to get dressed up in bear costume and go down to Best Buy on Black Friday and scare the people camping out in tents...

   ...... Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   You need people like me so you can point your finger and say thats the bad guy.