Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I wish I was R Kelly, there are a lot of people I need to pee on.

   I still do nice things for people even though they're a$$holes.. I guess that's my superpower.

   There's never a bad time forcertain people to become 'missing persons. 'Today is no exception.

   Mirror mirror on the wall, why do all most selfies people take look dopey?

   So Wake me up when I am Sober, When I'm not so drunk and so hungover. This Entire time I didn't know I was getting so tore up. This entire time I didn't know I was getting this f**ked up... I didn't know, I didn't know!..." ♫

   It's not my fault that people don't appreciate the art of unpunctuality.

   3rd straight week without drinking alcohol. People separated from your loved ones now I totally understand you struggle and pain.

   Most people are surprised to find out I am a grandmother, especially my daughters boyfriends.

   Guys, just answer truthfully.ur answers may help me in my new year resolutions. Do you think am a "Drunk?"

   People are instagraming their tweets so they can upload it to facebook....technology these days

   It's not that I can't stand people who attend the University of Florida, it's that I can't stand the red-necks who love the Gators.

   co-worker: ok who put seafood in the microwave me: oh sorry does my lobster smell co-worker: no he’s pinching people

   Some people have no trouble making ends meet. Their foot is always in your mouth!

   Dear Lord... When he stands before you for judgment, let him stay around for a while. Give him the grand tour and introduce him to the thousands of people who have been waiting there for over a decade to forgive him. (continued...)

   Getting mad at people because you did something stupid only makes you an angry stupid fool.

   I make people guess the secret ingredients in my brownies.. hallucinating yet?

   Some people carb load, I caffiene load, which is just a gateway load leading to tequila loading.

   My parents are great people, except when they invite their crazy relatives

   I forgive people immediately, after Karma gets them for me.

   What bores me is repetition, i.e. when people repeat themselves. It's boring and repetitive. Boring. Like repetitive posts. They bore me.