Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   With the stay at home order in some states, I wonder how soon it will be before we start hearing about people going stir-crazy like Jack Nicholson in the movie The Shining.

   I'm so old I just sit around and look at Facebook all day.... like younger people do nowadays.

   Yes I took a knee before the game on Sunday. It took three people and a promise of a chocolate chip cookie to get me back on my feet again.

   We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not.

   I don't understand people who take a hundred selfies and then pick the best one to post. I mean how do they roll in real life if they look like the other 99?

   It's sad old people won't live to see time travel, because how bad do they want to find the jerk who carpeted over this beautiful hardwood?

   Just because you wear a bow tie doesn't mean you're G A Y, but it sure does keep people guessing.

   So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

   I still can't believe some people's survival instincts told them to grab toilet paper.

   We can be the kind of people who put daffodils in vases. Or we can be the kind of people who leave ants outside.

   Did you know my people invented the Toothbrush? If it was invented by anyone else, they would have called it a teethbrush.

   Come on people, does your vote really count? Or is it just a big con?

   says all people have the right to stupidity but far far too many people abuse that privilege! o_o

   When people younger than me complain about getting old, I beat them to death with the agility of a much younger man.

   I take the cat approach to things now. When people that I don't like pass by, I just hiss at them.

   The guy next door is a sleeptalker. The girl in the other room is too quiet. We're all being monitored by people in white uniforms...

   at starbucks in my 'forever lazy' , starting to feel a little self conscious, people in line keep peeking in my ass flap, next time I'm wearing underwear

   Recent studies suggest that balding people have cooler heads, opposite socks still fit, and red crayons break easier then blue ones... (@_@)

   My favorite people on Facebook are my friends and people that have no idea that I exist.

   People still talk about the Clinton sex scandal as if the meteoric rise and fall of the Sneaker Pimps wasn't the 90s drama du jour.