Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People who say I'm hard to buy for obviously don't drink or smoke weed

   I imagine after the pandemic when people start socializing again Facebook is going to be about as popular as Myspace.

   People spend a fortune on insect proofing their houses and buying fly-spray..then eat in the garden?

   I go around at night knocking the little lead pieces off of people's tires at night. I own the tire shop up the street.

   You are catching up to the cool people, Happy Birthday!

   [invention of the milkshake] drunk farmer: hey! let’s milk the cows on a rollercoaster

   Spending quality time with the people that really matter reminds me of who I am and recharges my love, hope and drive. I'm forever grateful.

   Two things some people can't live without, God and the internet, are everywhere and all-knowing. But only one of them gives you naked woman anytime you want.

   My boss and I will have to agree to disagree. He wants me to do stuff that will make him money. I want to do stuff that will get me drunk.

   t is my sincere hope that your day is full of love and that you are a positive influence on the people who look up to you. It is also my sincere hope that Perez Hilton pours kerosone all over himself, down his throat and in his socks & immolates himself

   “I changed. People change.” - Michael Jackson

   Ive been here for a while but never post, but every time someone upsets the balance and brings something new all you people do is complain. It refreshing to see somebody like meatloaf offer up some positive feedback.

   I wish when people called me, instead of getting my voicemail, they got diarrhea.

   to the police officer : " Is not because I'm Drunk ! Is only because my Power Balance is not working! :Q

   President Lyndon B. Johnson owned an amphibious car and would scare his guests by driving into a lake, screaming about brake failure. Those are the same people who don't like Obama.

   "I had no choice" - People who had a choice but feared the consequences

   Her: You came home drunk last night! Me: I wasn't drunk! Her: You slept with your motorcycle helmet on...

   Hey, people who only order one drink at last call. What's it like to be a quitter?

   I look at people sometimes and think, "for real? That's the sperm that won??

   I'm drunk and I've got work tomorrow, but on the plus side. I'm having a great conversation with my dog