Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I hate when people say, " I gotta get my body right for the summer" I mean That's great and all, but who is going to fix your face?

   i got so drunk I went fishing and caught a sharktopuss

   Sometimes I run toward people and get so frustrated that they don't know I want to do the Dirty Dancing lift. Then it just becomes awkward.

   Telling a woman to calm down when she's drunk, works about as well as baptizing a cat !

   I never judge people by the color of their skin unless they have a spray-on tan.

   I know I have to watch Borat 2 to get the full story on the Rudy situation. But until the movie comes out, I'm gonna assume Rudy is guilty because it pisses people off.

   Why oh why do people use an apostrophe to make a word plural? An apostrophe s is only used to show possession (Jane's books) or a contraction for "is" (she's late for work). Get it?

   I have come to the conclusion that people who have had their statuses disliked will go on a revenge mission and dislike other people's statuses no matter how good they are.

   Republicans complain about people on welfare and unemployment benefits but want their businesses bailed out. Thats what I call "corporate welfare".

   Alcohol does NOT make you fat...it makes you lean...against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ....Ugly people!!!

   If a tree falls in a ocean does it not make potato chips?!?! yeah I'm drunk

   Imagine 15 million people calling each other stupid. That's what it's like to live in Texas.

   People who change after change will Survive... People who change with change will Live... People who cause the change will Lead...!

   Perhaps Donald Trump should educated all the uneducated people he continually thanks by giving them all scholarships to attend Trump University.

   You know how most people feel about Hitler or whatever? That's how I am with hazelnut coffee.

   Most people who enjoy racecars don't know what a palindrome is

   Some people swear by taking "power naps" for energy. I say screw the naps, if you want real energy all you need is a handful of sugar and a dash of crystal meth.

   I wasn't that drunk. " Dude, you were standing on your head screaming at people to quit walking on your ceiling.

   Why do some people feel they have speak for God and make excuses for him? Like they are his official spokesperson. Why can't he speak for himself?

   I asked my gf to record the game on ESPN, which she did, but not ESPN-HD. And then she says, 'Well, at least you still get to watch it.' Oh yeah, I pay extra money so I can watch TV like poor people. I don't even feel bad for cheating on you this weekend.