Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Attn. Northern People: Yeah, you should stock up on flashlights, but Lite Brites spelling "Were All Gonna Die" is festive and functional.

   When people say they "live their life" it usually just means "party hard." It doesn't mean "learn a lot about stuff that interests you", "volunteer to help people less fortunate than you", or "enjoy the benefits of a good night of sleep."

   Okay Garbanzo we get it. Your 14-year old girlfriend is fat, ugly and cut herself shaving while drunk.

   People who post pics of themselves after they have had sex need to be shot.

   Some people are so lazy, they would actually quit having sex if someone just told them its a good form of exercise

   Tonight , I will be the Designated Drunk

   More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of vodka named Responsibly.

   going to be the one stuck handing out candy again which is a horrible idea.. Me and people never ends up going well.

   I think it's funny when someone updates their status with a depressing quote or about something bad that happened, and then people “like” it. The “like” button has become used more than a gas station bathroom.

   Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

   Homeless people are like the raccoons of metropolitan areas. Always coming out at night to route through your garbage can with their furry little faces and opposable thumbs.

   Thank you, St Patrick's Day and Spring Break for proving thats the best way to get through every March is to stay drunk the whole time like the leprechauns.

   Oh man, all nation are drunk crazies.

   There is more strippers in Detroit then normal people.

   its sports analyst. if you are gonna make fun of people don't give them material for a comeback

   Have you ever noticed that the people you'd like to say "Go to H ell!" to are almost always the kind of people who'd ask for detailed directions?

   too much weed & you're "high".....too much beer & you're "drunk".....do both at same time & I become a "HUNK"

   I bet Nike's socks labeled R or L are driving OCD people nuts!

   Rosetta Stone but for the THINGS I say when I'm drunk

   Telling a woman to calm down while she is drunk works about as well as baptizing a cat.