Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   On any given day 15% of the U.S. population is constipated. Here at work that equals 7.9 people. I bet I know who you are by your facial expressions alone

   People with boring Facebook profiles need to stop making the situation worse and awkward by further creating Facebook Pages which they constantly beg us to like.

   It's not easy being flesh and blood in a world full of plastic people.

   I'm going as drunk homeless girl for Halloween, because no costume needed and I can pass out on the neighbors lawn with no questions asked.

   Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your minde. Feelings and emotions.

   I always help people when they need it......not when its convenient for me! And I always stand behind my word ...Its called being a man!

   Dear Karma – I have a list of a few people you missed. Sincerely, Me

   People are so quick to shoot down my conspiracy theory that the Illuminati blew up the Challenger just to ruin Punky Brewster's dreams.

   If I ever go missing I want my picture on a 40 oz beer rather than a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.

   People that can sleep with their clothes on are the real psychos.

   It Pisses Me Off when people come in my room & don't close the door when they get out.

   I thought I was special until I saw you are now friends with me and 29 other people :(

   I’m tired of people complaining about $7.00 dollars beers, $10.00 dollars parking, and $20.00 dollars cover charge. Don’t like the prices? Stop coming to my house.

   Common sense is like deodorant... The people who really need it never use it.

   The next four weeks is going to be incredibly difficult for people whose grandmother's actually have been ran over by reindeer.

   I can't believe people have nerve enough to still be shooting fireworks. They almost caught my Christmas lawn decorations on fire.

   I don't intoxicated and delusional. I get drunk and confident.

   Lord, please place one hand over my shoulder and the other over my mouth when I'm drunk...thank you...

   Sex appeal is made up of 50% of what you got and 50% of what people think you got.

   Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a smack upside the head. People who need a smack upside the head affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who needs a smac