Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Black Lives Matter doesn't mean other lives don't. Like people who say "Save The Rainforests" aren't saying "F*ck all other types of forests".

   There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count. And those who can't.

   4 out of 5 midgets,,, make 2 people.

   Some people shouldn't talk unless they can improve on the silence.

   Not to brag but, my beer would never wanna "Take a break" or "See other people" or ask to "Go through my phone"

   A lot of people say they won't play the lottery unless it gets above $100 million. I guess $50 million isn't worth their trouble.

   When Valentine's day is round the corner, all Forever alone people start enumerating the benefits of being single.

   I'm here to do three things: learn how to count and fight people who call me a liar. And buddy, I already learned to count.

   Bernie vs Trump way better than Hillary vs Trump. Help people see that without insulting them tho lol

   There are people I meet I could write a beautiful novel about, than there are those I could write a murder mystery about and have them die a horrible death. . .

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except for you.

   what's black and white and red all over? A newspaper for people who can't spell well!

   schools require children undress in front of people,..i'm thinking thats pretty much a registered sex offender definition

   Why do the media cover “Dancing with the Stars” like it's news?.... I think they do it for the same people that can not manage to operate a self check out isle! Which, I'm afraid is like 80% if he US population! God Help Us!!!!

   if you negate those who celebrate for the presents, or for the excuse to drink, or for the day off work, or for the reason to party, or for a morning in bed, the amount of people who truly celebrate Xmas is lower than the nos of actors in a 1 man show!

   And some people wonder why their test grades are so low.. Or jobs suck so much.. Well when your names DaWanda IDGAFCHOOCHOOTRAIN Jonez.. On your application...NEXT!

   ... No people .... Trump did NOT pick El Chapo to head the DEA!!

   I tell kids in high school if you wanna feel what its like to be drunk. Just spin around in circles as fast as you can for 15 seconds and try to walk a straight line after.

   Why do people post things like "my little baby died", playing on your sympathy, and it turns out to be a frigging goldfish.

   When people tell other couples that they aren't in love, makes me laugh. love is a word you define yourself, don't let a dictionary definition express the way you feel - Brandon Markovich