Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Even though they so many people die because of alcohol, you never think about how many of them are born because of it.

   "My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at" wrong people. :)

   People who tell you something then they say "nevermind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers.

   I got to hand it to short people... sometimes they just can't reach it.

   The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

   i am not getting any invites lately about any farm, fish, park, mafia or candy crush hope the people who are playing them are all ok ...

   loves selling stuff on the internet to people who don't know him ...he's already sold the same homing pigeon 24 times on eBay.

   #‎43210 I don't really even know who you are. You friend requested me and we know some of the same people- unless you really don't know them either. but you seem nice enough, I suppose.

   Labor Day marks the beginning of the NFL and college football seasons. Nascar holds the Southern 500. Labor Day marks the last days of Summer. In 2010, the Holiday was cancelled because too many people couldn't remember what it meant to have a job :)

   psychology suggests that religious people are categorized in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders. If you want to be sure, google it.

   Ka•ra•o•ke noun. Origin: Japan Definition: Tone-deaf drunk with a microphone.

   Nothing like waking up to drunk texts from the guy you like blurting out his feelings for you and now it's your turn to play it cool.

   There are 3 kind of people.. The one's that know how to count and the ones that don't

   The minute people fall in love they become liars

   I think it's pretty funny that people don't have a problem hitting the key pad several times to type out statuses, but FLIP OUT and start talking about starting farms on fire and killing animals instead of just hitting the one key "ignore" on a farm requ

   thinks it's funny when people say listen to the birds singing. The birds aren't singing, they are saying "I'm horny! Come screw me!!"

   Too bad people can't smell their own breath, this guy came to solicit at my front door this morning and his breath was scalding. He needed a Listerine popsicle!

   I put the alcohol in Alzheimer's. Not in the word... I just like to get old people drunk. Then I tell them I'm their son and borrow money.

   I wanted to write something about DJ AM but some people said it was too early, so i'm gonna wait 'till noon.

   I hate it when people throw cigarette butts in urinals... It makes them soggy, and hard to light.