Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   The Ipad: Because not enough people noticed you with the Iphone.

   Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills…making the last car payment.

   True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"

   Omg there is high definition paint? People will believe anything. Well I just invented hd crayons, for the low price of 59.99 a box you can watch you drawings pop off the paper.. Idiots

   So pathetic when some people use Facebook as their drama diary. Every. Freakin. Day.

   I can always tell when I'm drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards

   Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.

   Don't you love when people tell you 'don't tell anyone' the next day, after you told people.

   These dating sites keep setting me up with weirdos, then I realized that they match you with people with similar interests.

   I hate it when I invite people and they actually show up.

   There are the same number of people on Facebook today as there were people in the whole world in 1804

   I wish people who say "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" would stay in Vegas.

   I do this thing where I suddenly become visible to people only when they need me.

   thinks sleep is for people without Internet access.

   Nothing brings two people together like the mutual hatred of another person.

   People who have permission to call me honey, sugar or sweetie: 1. Truck stop waitresses 2. That’s it

   Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn't have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.

   R.I.P. Rodney King...I'm not quite sure, but getting drunk and smoking "hippy lettuce" in the pool seems to be about as good of an idea as hiring Robert Wagner to be your swim coach...just sayin!

   I saw some chick get her nipple pierced last night..... Man, I am so bad at darts when I'm drunk.

   I think people get married just to get 'Likes' on Facebook.