Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Religion is only for frightening children to obey old people.

   Santa is a Democrat: 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   I hate it when people don't let me sleep, especially when I'm driving

   Religion is a crutch for weak-minded people who can't accept reality

   gunna dress up as kanye west for halloween and go around telling people " ima letchu get back to trick or treatin in a minute but, barrack obamas daughters have the best halloween costumes of all time, of all time!!!"

   Only Fat people follow KFC on twitter.

   Not standing for the national anthem is considered offensive, but rallying a hate group is considered freedom of speech? I'm convinced, you people are messed up in the head.

   Mike Pence is a wax sculpture in a museum of what people used to believe and live like centuries ago.

   Womens March was the largest gathering of people with disabilities in US history.

   We should ask Mexico to be our 51st state. We'd have people to do the jobs we don't want to do and would get the jobs back they sent there. Plus, some great real estate!

   Some people wait their entire life for their ship to come in..not realizing that they are standing in an airport...

   Some People are Morning People, I am a Never People. *

   Fun Fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, you can hear a faint, "Marco" and then an even fainter, "Polo."

   I bet people in jail don't use scented body wash...Cuz the last thing you want is some dude rolling up on you talking bout, "Sniff sniff...You smell like Cherry Fruit Passion".....

   When I die I want to be buried with my a$$ sticking out of the ground, not so they can kiss it, but so people have a place to park their bikes when they come to visit.

   I want to be a bird. Not because I want the feeling of flight, but because I want to poop on people.

   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

   If at 1st you don't succeed, being a magician that saws people in half might not be for you.

   Why dont you ever see people standing on corners holding homeless signs when its raining out.....Cause them muther fckers are at home

   I'm not sure how people get eaten by sharks... I mean how do you not hear the music?