Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   just taught my 4 year old son how to make stick people out of tampons

   Some people want to do crazy things and green amphibians we just want to have good time! Some people go woo they go quack quack some people nothing and want nothing and arent free, some people want to burn the world with greed, we just want good time!

   Dems hate rich people except those who can sing, act or play a sport...

   Some people have obsession with destruction.

   If my attitude towards people was the same as my attitude towards dogs, I'd be a lot more tolerant of jerks if they were good cuddlers.

   ...... People at these rest area restrooms are creepy ... the guy in stall next to me makes wierd noises and has four feet

   Nukes don't kill people either, so we may as well stop trying to control that.

   Do I still get to be one of those uppity "I don't watch TV" people if it's just because I sold mine for methadone?

   brains are like modems....some people can think fast like they are high speed internet....some ppl are slow thinkers like they are dial-up....other ppl have lost connection

   will be sponsoring a 0.25 mile fun run to raise awareness for people that I wish would just GO AWAY! I'm calling it the Kardashian Dash!

   I use sarcasm because beating the crap out of people is in fact frowned upon in most societies

   I was watching the news & saw poor people being busted for illegal mood-altering drugs. Then came all those commercials for the legal ones.

   Why do people wear face masks in their Facebook profile picture, I mean come on now this is Facebook not the supermarket.

   "Hello ICE? There are people speaking spanish in NYC."

   Trying to change my ways.......Now when I pick my nose, I don't wipe it on people anymore.

   I wonder when people without cars pick their noses...

   Some people can judge a beer by just a sip but it takes me the whole glass.

   I have no tolerance for stupid people because, in most cases, stupidity is voluntary. They made a conscious decision to exist in that state.

   Totally cool to keep killing your people Bashar. Just don't use chemical weapons. Otherwise, we're all good.

   When I die, I'm going to have a music player built into my headstone. Just so people can dance on my grave.