Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them

   If you kill two birds with one stone, ..you'd better be prepared for those damn PETA people to show up at your door.

   one of you people has stolen my brain, and I want it back raight naow bfoor tinghs dtt ny wurs

   People are always saying "live and learn" and I'm all like whoa, whoa, whoa...one thing at a time please.

   It's time for America to stop coddling idiots and ignorant people. Trump for President is the logical conclusion of the cuts in education that Republicans have been pushing for decades.

   If I live to be 100, I'm going to make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people... like I copied and pasted the same staus every single day.

   Dear you people. Why are you crying about the Home Alone 2 cut which was done in 2014???? Are you people really proud of being stupid?

   Facebook = just giving people another way to air out dirty laundry online. 1,000,000 satisfied customers daily. : )

   kids learn from fairy tales. like goldilocks and 3 bears teaches us that you can sneak into people's place, eat their food, break their furnituer and sleep in their beds as long as you can run fast and you are blond!

   Knows that some people are like slinkies, there not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

   If you watch the looting videos in reverse, they are really generous people

   Why do people always make jokes insinuating that people who use crayons are crazy? I like my crayons! Especially the blue one. It makes my poo purple

   We live in a world of smart phones and dumb people!

   Question of the day: Do people eat Tide Pods because Trump is president, or is Trump president because people are dumb enough to eat Tide Pods?

   pretty sure God didnt kill your grandpa. he had cancer, its a sickness people die from

   People with kids that don't have a fireplace have an issue in the morning..

   Oh no, I'm at that level of airplane drunk where I just almost stood up to go and smoke a cigarette.

   @ 300 X 365 that is 109,500 a year. I am determined to get one million people on my block list. That will take me 10 years. Now hiring. . .

   If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.

   People laugh at the inventor of nitrous oxide.