Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Just because you had an arugment doesn't mean you are fighting. Frickin' dramatic people!

   I will be running in a 0.25 mile run in support of people with attention deficit disorder (aka Kardashin Dash)

   Let's face it people... Slow an Steady NEVER wins the race... Whoever came up with that quote...Is a idiot!

   I love it when people see me reach for something on the floor and keep missing it like a moron. I quickly tell them I'm working on my aerobics exercises....

   People say, if life throws you lemons, throw them back, make lemonade or squirt them in your eyes so that the problems become last of your worries. But them smart asses never said what to do if life kicks you in the balls. Yeah!, there's no recovery from

   Did you know people writing 1700's on all their checks was a problem most Americans faced in 1800.

   The "death tax" is obviously a big issue for non-millionaire people in Detroit who have no estate and also no safe drinking water.

   I'd absolutely watch a TV show where people are forced to survive on $1,200 for 10 weeks.

   Taking the road less traveled will get you murdered by hitchhikers. Lets be smart, people

   No I don't look at ANY of my exs and ask myself "what was I thinking?" Or "was I drunk the whole time" I know exactly what I was thinking and doing.

   It's weird to think that before Facebook and social media all these dumb thoughts stayed in people's heads = But that's none of my business.

   Ants kill 30 people every year. Marijuana is safer than ants.

   I want to start a band called "Day Job" so that when we play and people say "don't quit your day job" I'll be like "thanks we practice a lot".

   Tired of forgetting people's names as soon as they introduce themselves? Fix it by staying home and never meeting anyone new.

   Guys, I know when people die they say to move on. I don't want that. Bury me in a time capsule and dig me up every 10 years. NEVER FORGET!

   loves life; but life thinks we should see other people.

   Sometimes I think life would be more fun with a "thumbs down" option for people like I have on Pandora for songs

   I purposely mess up there, their, and they're just to piss people off.

   BREAKING NEWS: Over 30 people feared soothed in Yankee Candle fire.

   That uneasy moment when you're sitting with the most decent people around you, pretending to get into a comfortable posture by moving back n forth cos your a$$ is itching !!