Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Pet Peeve #5742....It annoys me when people text me and I respond and then all of a sudden it stops in mid-text like your stopping in mid conversation...and then I patiently wait and nothing... it drives me crazy...finish your text or dont text me at all!

   I have received several E-mails over the years called"The People of Walmart" I would like to start a new E-mail called"The people of the DMV" I was especially fond of the pregnant woman waiting next to us, feeding her toddlers a McDonalds breakfast. Honor

   Hey people in cavilers, you have a 4 cylinder! I have an 8, stop trying to race me.....

   Sorry,Philip Seymour Hoffman, hard to say RIP to someone who was so talented,directing 2 films, employing several people, having the world by the tail and to end up being found in a hotel with a needle in his arm.

   Joe Biden reminds me of a drunk hobo ranting on a corner for a free beer.

   The biggest problem in society today is that there is an entire generation of younger people that have never been punched in the face.

   I failed my history test today. Apparently, "three centuries of inbreeding" is not the correct answer to "how did the american people evolve?"

   Some people stick their foots in their mouth every once in a while. Every once in a while I pull mine out.

   To all the people that send those annoying Christmas chain text messages I HOPE YOU GET COAL THIS YEAR UNDER YOUR TREE!!!

   People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because I know it!

   Happy Canada D'eh! Now let's get drunk!

   Some people's desperation is so hard to watch, I'm forced to wear sunglasses while I laugh....

   I think the #1 phrase that is guaranteed to make people argue is "what do you want to eat?"

   Why would two people admit they like each other when they can spend time playing "Let's see who texts the other person first" instead.

   To quarrel with a drunk is to wrong a man who is not there.

   I know I love you because I fight most with the people I love – is the biggest bullsh*t ever.

   There are two types of people in the world: those who know how to handle stress and those who need a lawyer and bail money.

   The worst part about growing old is having to hang out with old people.

   This isolation thing is going to make Palm Sunday mean something completely different to a lot of people.

   Here's a thought...How do blind people know when to stop wiping?