Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I have beaten so many Japanese people tonight on Mario Kart Wii that they are going to start referring to me as Godzilla

   Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long for fat people.

   "Canadians are so polite" - people who have obviously never been to Canada

   1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 804 islands, 7 seas, 7 billion people, and you're still single? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHA, me too.!!!!!!!!!

   Instead of telling everybody what colour your damn bra is or to 'like' a certain page as show of support, put 10 bucks in the bloody tin at the shopping center if you really want to help the Japanese people who are reeling from the tsunami. Stop talking o

   If you like mine, I'll like yours. Status people...talking STATUS!

   Awesome how America is called the Land of the free yet is built on the anhilation of American Indians and the enslavement of African and Indian people. Dimwits who dont know their own history.

   Wow, I just heard Lady GaGa has hired people to find the remains of Bin Laden, she needs somthing to wear in her next video

   Obviously what I was trying in the past wasn't working. So I'm doing the opposite. "My name is Andrew. I'm unemployed and I live off borrowing money from people."

   Had a bad day today, but I didn't kill 8 people... I came home and did a line of coke like all other responsible adults

   People should stop believing bizarre stories about U.S. presidents. George Washington did not have wooden teeth. Abe Lincoln did not write the Gettysburg address on an envelope. And President Obama wasn't born in Kenya. It was Tanzania. He was going to b

   I was on the bus today and farted. Four people turned around. I thought I was on the voice.

   Today is Ash Wednesday, the day that I get to go around and tell people they have a nice "ash" and not get funny looks or get in trouble.

   Facebook...Where people present themselves as up and coming stars, yet no one, including 99% of the people on their friends list ever heard of them.

   A fauxhawk is a good way of letting people know they can beat you in a fight.

   Never forget what someone says when they're angry. Apologies are given when people are sorry that others heard their unfiltered opinions.

   Not everything that cometh your way is yours to keep. Some things are meant for temporary use only. And that applies to people too.

   Time magazine just released this year 100 most influential people...How can Samuel Adams not make this list?...I'm under his influence everytime I leave a Bar.

   people who ask to try out your glasses then get their fingerprints smudged on them are the reason Jesus disappeared from ages 12 to 30.

   People ask me why I don’t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?