Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   love just isn't enough to keep two people together. You need money too to finance that shingding.

   it like illegal to make a movie scene where the people runaway from a bomb when there's more than 30 seconds left for the explosion?

   "How To Win Friends And Influence People On Facebook" Post pictures of dogs and cats.

   why do some people have a uterus AND a mustache?

   Welcome to San Francisco, where the weather is nice and the people are gay!

   Great, now Ray Lewis has killed more people AND won more Super Bowl rings than me. :(

   For Free, 5 foot of snow....you pick up and haul (from my drive) First 10 people get a free glass of ice water with it.....limited supply so hurry fast.

   You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you and you're being chased by a lion. What should you do? ... Get your drunk ass off the carousel.

   Insomnia is for people who haven't tried watching Keeping up with the Kardashians.

   people get so mad at me in the self-checkout lane....i stand there checking myself out just like the name says. they say I take too long

   there are so many people I would love to tell off... if only I never had to see them again

   90% of people who claim to have "come from the bottom" don't realise that they are still stuck at the bottom.

   When you are talking to yourself, if you are polite about it, people won't think you're crazy.

   My pet peeve is when people say redundant words after acronyms, like “PIN number” or “ATM mouth.”

   Churches-Some of the most beautiful ornate building that house the most ugly & bitter people that hate life & want you to hate it too

   There's someone out there for everyone. (The motto of hideous people the world over.)

   If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.

   There is over a billion people in China and there is also only two haricuts

   People are so excited about the 100m Olympic times, but Jason Voorhees could beat all those clowns just walking.

   Alcohol is never the solution to your problems! But since we're not looking for any solutions but more problems, lets get drunk!