Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Dating site for overweight people: All you can meet.

   I don’t like morning people or mornings or people

   I hate when people ask questions during movies like do you not understand that a movie purposely doesn’t tell you things in order to build suspense

   There was a fire at the clock factory today. Several people died from second hand smoke.

   Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people..

   I love when people make a photo of their kid as their Facebook profile pic so it's like a baby is screaming about gun rights.

   Next week Google will give the public the chance to buy its $1,500 Google Glass. Finally ending the stereotype that people who wear glasses are smart.

   I live for this sh*t - People that don't understand biology

   People who don't return the favour during oral sex are the real terrorists.

   I think I'm going to change my kids' middle names to "DANGER" just so they can tell people Danger is their middle name...YEAH BABY!!

   The best audience is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk.

   You'll never realise how nice some people are until they need something.

   Bears: If people can read my thoughts, most people would think I'm the most evil person on this planet.

   I wonder how people used to receive their blessings before Facebook was invented for them to type AMEN and I RECEIVE

   Guns don't kill people, Dads with pretty daughters kill people.

   An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder. This figure translates to 57.7 million people. When they count Hillary's votes and they total 57.7 million don't say that I didn't call that...

   Only if some people knew how silly, stupid and ridiculous they look while holding a selfie stick...

   Some people will not try bacon for religious reasons. Good to know, more bacon for me.....

   Dear Burger King, We are not really enticed by the idea you are now selling hotdogs. The weird people you place in your television ads really doesn't help either. Just stick to burgers. Sincerely, Everyone.

   Bernie Sanders is so evil for laying all those people off. I guess they can go back to the unemployment line or mom's basement.