Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I don't like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don't need that kind of pressure.

   How many light bulbs does it take to change people?

   That hilarious moment when people are over taxed and act like its never happened before.

   A lot of people will disappoint you in life. Don't let any of them be you.

   Mark Zuckerberg should have just shut down Facebook for 24 hours...That should have scared enough people to think the world was over!!!

   who do these people at Burger King think they are? Dont they know i'm an Ebay power seller,, and have over 70 friends on Facebook??,,,,FOOLS !!

   You know in the movie 'Jaws' when everyone is pissed the beaches are closed because the shark keeps killing people, and they know it's killing people, but they go to the beach anyways? This is what we're going through now.

   Most people in church right now are praying for the service to be over.

   People call it Valentine's Day, I call it Tuesday.

   God: What are they doing? Satan: Getting drunk. I made alcohol. God: *slams fist on table* That looks like too much fun! *creates hangovers*

   The Bible is basically the longest set of Terms & Conditions ever, which is why so many people agree with it without knowing why.

   I just want to thank all the great people in the USA for electing such a great man like Barack Obama. Ever since he got elected there's been so much change. Facebook's layout got changed like 2 times!! Thats impressive!

   I want to get a racehorse named "my face" just so I can hear people shouting "come on my face!"

   Feels sorry for skinny people, I know this girl who is so skinny that she has to run around in the shower just to get wet....

   Hillary and Trump already won. It's already been decided by the Illuminati and the lizard people from the center of the earth.

   What do I call people who don't like Halloween? Boring. I call them boring.

   I very rarely piss people off but when I do it's usually loud and spectacular

   Can people actually be allergic to sex or is my wife just pretending to be?

   believes people are all the same, we only get judged by what we do.

   If anyone sees a bunch of people in their front yard tonight, don't be alarmed, were just christmas tree shopping.