Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Sorry about the texts I sent you last night.... My phone was drunk.

   "I don't care what anyone thinks!" - People who care what everyone thinks

   honesty is a very expensive thing that I wouldnt expect from cheap people

   It's almost Labor Day, so get out there and celebrate the sacrifice of others by drunk driving a boat.

   Sometimes people pretend you’re a bad person so they don’t feel guilty for the things they did to you.

   If meterorologist are people who studies the weather. Are people who study meteors weatherologist?

   Kanye West has a pair of $90,000 shoes and he still can't figure out why people hate him.

   Hmmmm. Egypt's people actually protested and forced their president to resign...what's everyone doing this weekend? ;)

   I don't think we should put elementary school teachers in a position where kids can say " the president calls people ugly and losers so why can't I"?

   Why are the Mexicans the only people with the Cojones to name their kid's Jesus?

   going to a fancy dress party in just his underwear tonight... and when people ask "what you come as" i'll say " A Premature Ejaculation, I've just come in my pants"

   My grandfather used to get up at 5am every morning and deliver milk to people's doorsteps in a horse-drawn cart.... He wasn't a milkman , he was clinically insane.

   If people criticise or hurt or shout at you, dont bother. Just remember that in every game audience make the noise, not the players

   There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up. Unbelievable.

   today I : 1. asked old people for directions and deliberately walked the opposite way... 2. asked very obese people which gym they used...

   loves when people just click the 'like' button on a thread of comments cause they're too lazy to add another comment

   Remember the time when you said that you hire the best people, then all those people went to prison? That was awesome!

   the more people I meet the more I like my dog

   In Criminal Court, You See Bad People at Their Best; In Family Court, You See Good People at Their Worst

   Negative people need drama like oxygen.Stay positive...it will take their breath away ..!