Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   It's easy to get people dancing at parties. Just hold up the line for the bathroom.

   I wonder if business people know they don't have to talk about business at lunch.

   Why would I dance like nobody's watching? People need to see this.

   the lower urinal for short people or long people? #clearance

   When people ask me "How's life?", I sing them the chorus of Akon's Lonely while crying and slowly walk away.

   Dear people who post pictures of themselves kissing their lover of the moment; I hope you realise those pictures will come back to bite you in the ass when you are broken up and are back in the market looking for a new partner.

   If you sleep with someone, then try to sneak out in the morning, you are an ASS! First you have to delete your number from their phone, THEN sneak out. Come on people, use your heads.

   MURDERERS: Don't button your shirt all the way up to the top button or people will know you're a murderer.

   People who make noises with their chewing gum should be put to death. I just decided.

   Look at the evil people in the world, Saddam Hussein, Hitler, Stalin what do they all have in common? Mustaches

   Fat people are hard to kidnap!..

   I like how people hate Rush Limbaugh, but like all his quotes....

   Dear ugly people: Stop playing hard to get, you're already hard to want

   Town so small get mugged buy people you know!

   Every tombstone has three things is common: the day you're born, a dash, and the day you die. And people wrongly put a lot of emphasis on the dates, but it's not the dates that matter most- it's the dash in between. It is that dash that is the measure of

   with all due repect, its hard to believe in god when certain people have yet to be disentigrated by bolts of lightning

   ... Hard to believe we are at another anniversary of 9/11 again ..... It's also hard to believe that the same people that funded that attack are also funding 20% of Hillary Clinton's Presidential Campaign!!! .... My how times have changed!!

   It is times like this that make me laugh at people from the south. Hurricanes and tornados, people still go to work, but let a white flake fall out of the sky, and oh Sh*t!!!!

   Does anyone realize the people running the planet are ruining the planet, or is it just me. . .

   Don't you hate it when people talk sh!t on Facebook? Internet Gangsters