Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Kraft is recalling 7 million boxes of mac and cheese after several people reported finding minuscule amounts of nutrients inside.

   I'm so old I remember when people didn't publicly express every feeling they had every moment they had it.

   I would like to thank all the people who let me know it was snowing today, like I'm some clueless idiot.

   Quick question: Is it okay if I actually like people I sometimes disagree with? Just wanted to check since I don't see it very often anymore

   Facebook Status - The new way to talk behind people's backs.

   Hiking is just walking where it's ok to pee. (sometimes old people hike by mistake)

   1 in 5 people are Chinese. I wonder if my mom and dad know which one of my brothers it is?

   Dear people that celebrate whenever they acquire a new "hater", add ME to the list.

   Advice to remember: when people say, "Word to the wise," they generally mean, "Word to the stupid."

   Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they said *how* people died.

   People who complain on Yelp, It was one meal out of your entire life. Calm down.

   Why do the people with the worst breath want to hit you with every "H" word in the dictionary?

   When first talking to your kids about Santa, don't say he's God's drunk brother in law. Trust me...

   Your mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks at a map she can see people waving.

   When 2 people are meant for each other- they stupidly get married!!!!!!!!!!!!

   ChrEasters people who only go to church on Christmas & Easter

   Tiger Woods has gotten so bad that bl@ck people are starting to acknowledge his other nationalities.

   Instead of telling people I dont care about things, I find its easier to get my point across if I just put my hands in the air and wave them

   I like to people watch. Mainly when they're in the shower

   If you can't be happy, at least you can be drunk.