Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   TV show idea! We just air a live feed of old people using a smart phone for the first time.. We can call it "Where are the buttons?"

   In life, people who deserve nothing usually end up getting everything.

   You know what's more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.

   Some of you people would be better off on a site called TwoFacedBook instead.

   I don't care what people say, Little Bunny Foo Foo was a bully to field mice!!!

   Usually hates it when people post pictures of their lunch on Facebook, but my Asian friends picture of his puppy was just too cute.

   I always tell people how fat I am. Then they tell me I'm not and I feel better about myself. - MOST WOMEN

   Late every Sunday night, all other the stores in the mall go and tell Radio Shack not to worry about what other people think, they still love him

   Don't litter your chaos and drama all over other people's lives.

   I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.

   Some of you make me jealous. You have hours to devote to people you hate and I barely have time for people I adore.

   Working on my (throwing rocks at) people skills....Just in case

   The only good part about some people is forgetting them.

   The Dish Network had an ad I just saw where they say they have "the fastest growing subscribership!" Uh, when you're the company with the fewest subscribers, you have the best chance of people saying, "F*ck it, haven't tried these morons yet."

   there's nothing like watching a commerical of people making out with a McRib sandwich......kinda turns m on

   When someone I like deletes me, I think "Why? What did I do?" Then I eat real food, have real sex and high five real people I actually know.

   A good way to make sure people leave you alone at work? Let them catch you laughing at the urinal

   People say “the early bird gets the worm.” But everyone freaks out when I drink tequila at 8am

   Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors..

   Some one really need to teach Facebook people the concept behind the saying, "If its not broken, don't fix it". The new NEWSFEED is just hideous. And now I cant filter sh!t that I hate.