Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Maybe if I looked like Tobey Maguire people would feel sorry for me....

   Yes, I will judge you by how you treat other people even if you're sweet as pie to me. Be kind or go to hell.

   A lot of people are single because they value their peace of mind. Unhealthy relationships can be so damn stressful.

   i wish hot people stalked my life instead of losers

   Hey people who like to start conversations with complete strangers, knock that s$it off.

   you know what's an odd habit? People who talk with their hands while talking on a cell phone........seriously.....who's that sh*t for?

   better to let people know you're crazy up front than to be an imposter

   HER: My dad thinks you're rude and inappropriate for me. ME: Screw your dad, there's people on Facebook who think I'm funny.

   I always look around the bar to see what level of women are there before I decide what level of drunk I have to become.

   I feel bad for people that dont drink, because when you wake up in the morning thats the best your going to feel all day.

   Kinda glad the "You Broke It, You Bought It" policy doesn't apply .to people

   watching hard core pawn is like watching when animals attack. If this is what people in Detroit acts like we may need to put a border fence around it and just pay Canada to take it.

   I think maybe I will open a gym for fat English people and call it Downton Flabby.

   If evolution is real why are there still monkeys? If Google is real why are there still people asking stupid questions?

   Dogs are like unruly kids. The people who live with them love 'em. But they annoy the heII out of the rest of us.

   Some people are like clouds, when they go away, the day gets brigher.

   Just because a few people of questionable eyesight and judgment say you are pretty does not automatically make you a model.

   I don't understand why people in movies open doors so slowly to be stealthy. Doors only creak when you do that. I mean, try opening your door really quickly. Not a sound.

   Everyday I think people can't get any more stupid and pretty much everyday I'm proven horribly wrong!

   you know what amazes me? .....that people would rather believe the mayans prophecies about 2012 then believe in a god that made the universe... doesnt seem quite right to me...