Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I find a bit of sick pleasure in holding the door for people that are still far away to force them into an awkward run

   Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.

   9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing, 100 are geting head and you are reading my status. Hang in there mate

   I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be "Nobody" so when I see stupid crap people post, I can "Like" it. And it will say "Nobody Likes This"

   asks for patience to deal with stupid people and courage to tolerate their ignorance because Lord only knows if I ask for strength I will beat them to death!

   I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.

   People who win the lottery always say something like, "I never imagined it would happen to me." Bullshi*t, everyone imagines winning the lottery!

   ‎90 people have swine flu(H1N1), and everyone wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and nobody wants to wear a condom

   Facebook should invent a relationship status that says "Only when i'm drunk."

   People who investigate strange noises in horror movies deserve to die.

   In addition to Casual Friday, I propose the following: Punch A Coworker Monday, No Pants Tuesday, Drunk At Work Wednesday, and Call In Sick Thursday.

   Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I'm facing sexual harassment charges.

   • Thank you Facebook for reconnecting me with the people I ignored in High School

   I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!

   Phones get thinner and smarter, and people?! We get fatter and stupid.

   Why do I have to take medication to stop me from slapping people who should be on medication?

   Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.

   The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

   Would like to give a big shout out to people that are hard of hearing.