Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   doesnt want to die, not because he is afraid of death but because he is worried about all the crap people will find on his computer when hes gone.

   Some people say I'm too brutally honest. The truth hurts... and I don't carry band-aids.

   I hate when people ask me what I'll be doing in five years, come on guys I don't have 2020 vision.

   FACEBOOK FAQ WHAT ARE PROFILE PICTURES? A: What you want other people to think you look like. TAGGED PICTURES? A: What you actually look like.

   I just saved a bunch of money by shopping online with other people's credit card numbers.

   I'm so tired of wanting the people who don't want me.

   I ask Google all the questions I'm too embarrassed to ask other people.

   I sell drugs to fat people. It sounds better than "I work at McDonalds."

   People say that you chew ice cubes when your sexually frustrated: Related News, I am responsible for the shrinking Ice caps.

   Problem is people confuse LOVE with BUSINESS. If you are with her because she gives the best BJs and she is with you because you pay all her bills then thats not a LOVE affair, that's just a BUSINESS arrangement.

   Can you guys believe some people get paid to advertise products on their Facebook page? That's crazy. Almost as crazy as the intense rush of energy I get after drinking Monster's new Triple Strength Xtra Max Energy Shot™.

   God, grant me serenity to accept that most people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile and the wisdom to realize murder is illegal.

   I bet people in Turkey sleep good all the time.

   I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

   Some people's facebook $tatuse$ are ridiculously overdramatic. "going to school feels like a knife through my heart!!!" it's like, .....shut up.

   Money doesn't buy you happiness is just a saying rich people made up to prevent poor people from wanting to rob them.

   People who brag they have haters are doing their so called haters a favor by making you look more of a douchebag than you already are.

   Hillary Clinton isn't really sick, lizard people don't get sick....

   you shouldn't listen to other people's foolishness. You should listen to mine.

   Falling in love is like getting drunk. you wake up with a horrible hangover, swearing that you'll never drink again ;-)*