Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   There are [0/1 (52x^7/2 – 66x^5/2 + 22x^3/2) / vx) dx] kinds of people in this World...Those who understand Calculus and those Who Don't !

   Aren't the "good things that come to those who wait" really just leftovers from people who got there first?

   our finger prints last forever on the people we touch

   The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk."

   Making homemade peanut butter isn’t as hard as people make it out to be if you just pre-chew the peanuts first. For more helpful cooking tips follow my blog “Tell Me She didn’t Really Just Do That”.

   2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.

   Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?

   I wish I was a Unicorn so I could stab people with my head.

   Pay no attention to anything I say when I'm drunk..or sober..or any other time.

   If I had known the kind of people my classmates would grow up to be. I would have beaten a lot more of them up.

   There's too many people out here who have the balls to state their opinion. But not enough balls to be that person who makes ish happen.

   People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.

   Always smile in the morning. It definitely makes people wonder what you did last night?!?!

   I'm a huge fan of screaming "You're welcome" really loud when people don't say thank you...

   Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount....

   They say you can't outrun a charging bear. But really you don't have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun whoever you're with. That's why I only camp with slow people.

   the answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not....Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?

   I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.

   If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?

   If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.