Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   When Shakespeare invented the word "swag" he did not intend for it to be used the way it's being used today. I guess that's why he also invented the word "assassinate" so we could kill people who misuse that word.

   Sometimes the people you love the most are the ones that hurt you the most...but it's up to you to decide who you live through the pain for...

   If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you... dumn*ss...

   "Looks don't matter, just be yourself". - attractive people

   I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I'm bored.

   I wonder if Chinese people put smileys like this ¦)

   Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need damn smarter friends.

   I gotta stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I'm beginning to feel like people are taking it as a challenge.

   I finally figured out how to f*ck myself... Take that, people that tell me to f*ck myself!

   People are only as happy as they allow themselves to be.

   I wish they made Off Clip On Repellent for creepy people at WalMart

   Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.

   There are two types of people I can't stand: Nosy people, then there's those that won't tell me what the hell is going on !

   Pretty soon people will be saying, "You were born in the 1900's?"

   I give different relationship advice to ugly people than I give to beautiful ones coz the rules are not the same.

   Part of me says "I can't keep drinking like this." The other part of me says "Don't listen to him, he's drunk."

   some people call it Thanksgiving Day.....I call it "Bitc* Slap Vegetarian" Day

   I've been drunk texting and drunk calling and drunk emailing people all night and I'm not even drunk.

   Some people like to "cuddle," some prefer to "spoon," I rather "spork" ..... think about it, it will come to you.

   I have no respect for people who eat pizza with a fork.