Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.

   I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone's ok with that.

   It's cool how Bruce Lee studied philosophy & poetry then applied it to something beautiful like punching people in the face.

   Do you enjoy interacting with people?” “Nope” “Great, you’re hired!” – DMV interview process.

   If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one.

   i dont have trust issues, I just know people who have lying issues

   The only thing left for me to do is to walk on water, and even at that some people would snicker and say, 'What, you can't swim?"

   Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!

   someday I'll sit down with my grandchildren to watch "Airplane" and they'll say, "I can't believe they used to just let people get on planes"

   There are only two people I trust in this world... One is myself, and the other one is NOT you.

   Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.

   I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn't pronounce it.

   People who say "No, and here's why..." need to realize that we stopped listening after the "no" part.

   Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs..."Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"

   They should really considered remaking "Back To The Future 2" where there aren't any flying cars. And people just stare at their phones all day getting easily offended to everything they read....

   Dear New Year New Me People; You don't have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.

   Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people's funerals.

   People don't change... They just learn to lie better!

   I'm only as nice as people allow me to be, so don't push my jerk button and we'll be great

   tired of people giving me a skewed or heart-wrenching fact, then asking me to post it as my status, THEN mysteriously having the clarvoyance to tell me what percent of people won't post it as their status. HONK if this annoys you!