Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People who say, “I am a lover NOT a fighter” are full of bullsh!t. If you love something, you WILL fight for it.

   Do homeless people get knock knock jokes???

   Three questions that dumbfound people: 1) How did Moses part the Red Sea? 2) How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 3) How is Jacob Lusk still on American Idol?

   Raise your hand if you are one of those people who have to publicly announce that they're in love...and with that hand, b*tch-slap yourself.

   People with little or no education love to argue the most.

   My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will?!? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite."

   When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is?" I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that!

   hopes there is never another NFL game again until people act grown up and forget money and remember the sacrifice of Pat Tillman. (Research it)

   Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like.

   When people ask for candy I'm eating, I give them the flavor I don't like.

   I wasnt that drunk..." "Dude, you were telling 'Yo mama' jokes to orphans...

   People think I'm quiet because I'm shy, but really I've been silently judging them from afar and determining that they're all phucking retards

   It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

   If at first you don't succeed, get her drunk.

   ATMs and automated gas pumps have been around for years but Wal Mart puts in self checkout lanes and people act like the world is ending...

   People that use abbreviations like ppl, wyd, hmu, and idk – what do you do with all that time you saved?

   The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.

   HATE: a SPECIAL KIND OF LOVE GIVEN TO PEOPLE WHO SUCK!

   I can't help but notice the majority of People Magazine's "Never Before Seen Photos" are photos I have no desire to see at all..

   I was watching 20/20 and they had a feature called "Bait Car" where people attempt to steal the car but the doors lock and the engine shuts off. I wonder if they sell a "Date Car?"