Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People must do well to remember that a nose belongs on the face and not stuck in SOME OTHER PLACE.

   You know you're in South Africa when people talk about robots when they really mean traffic lights.

   I had a very akwrd moment in the checkout line today. I grazed a lady's boob... It was embarrassing for both of us and the two people between us too.

   We live in a time period of smart phones and stupid people.

   Me: I wasn't that drunk.. Myself: Dude, you were talking to yourself! Me: ...and... Myself: ...and you still are.

   I heard that people who talk to themselves tend to be extremely smart.. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.

   If Pluto isn't a planet because it's too small, then are midgets really people?

   If people came with warning labels they wouldn't be too much different than drug labels: May cause drowsiness, persistent headaches, may reduce the urge to live..... If symptoms persist apply the nearest foot to their ass.

   Can't believe 60 Minutes did a whole report on Benghazi w/out interviewing the jerk who's anti-Islam movie got some many people killed...

   For some reason, I'm reminded of all the happy people celebrating on the deck of the Titanic right before it left port...

   How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even convince a girl to sleep with me.

   Dear people jogging with that stupid smile on your face. I know what route you take and I will jump out of bushes and scare that smile away

   I LOVE it when people that I don't like friend request me on Facebook, I feel like St. Peter --- DE-NIED! Ü

   it fair to say that there'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?

   Do people comment on picture 57/109 from a year ago because they want you to know they're a stalker?

   My New Year's Resolution is to not use facebook unless I'm going to update my status, make comments or read other people's stuff. So far I'm doing really good!

   People in Vimy Ridge would say otherwise about the resolve and bravery of Canadians...

   There's a lot of people in the world pretending they don't know who I am.

   Hey,, people who buy just 1-ply toilet paper at grocery stores,, Are you trying to quit??

   Dear People of The World, I don’t mean to sound slutty but use me whenever you want. Sincerely, Proper Grammar.