Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Never trust people who talk to their pets in normal voices.

   I really like people who don't know how full of crap I really am.

   I need to meet new people to ignore.

   Finds it funny that people really take some of these prescription pills that two of the side effects are swelling of the tongue and death...

   Some of my friends say I hang out with the wrong crowd. They say things like "Hey dude we are over here you don't even know those people"

   How many people with ADHD does it take to change...... ooh butterfly

   In hell people take ALL of your tweets seriously

   If some of you people are giving up booze for January, but still want those lovely pubs to be there when you get back, some of us real heroes are just going to have to buckle down and do your drinking for you. Don’t thank me. It’s what I do.

   people worry about their "summer body" but I've been working on my "winter weight" for years

   The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner and facial recognition software. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I'm sure the people at the NSA are dancing like little school girls right

   Like people who leave their Christmas decorations up all year I left my Halloween decorations up and saved a lot of work thanks to the spiders!

   Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to bend them in half until they break, and then shake the s*** out of them until their light turns on.

   almost 61 years ago 2 people had sex and now I have to go to work everyday

   It's better for people to think you're a fool then open your mouth and remove all dout.

   Claustrophobic people are more productive outside of the box.

   What is it that you have that other people use more often than you do?....... Your name :)

   I feel safer knowing the Democrats are trying to make a watch list for people on watch lists..

   Always wear sunglasses at the poker table so people can't see me crying.

   Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh, Meh... -People flipping the channels at 4 am in the morning

   People who swear a lot tend to be more honest, upfront, and loyal with their friends, partners and family. I find this fact offensive.