Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Thanks to the Chinese people and their stupid superstitious beliefs, our grandchildren are never going to see a live Rhino.

   I like people how I like my coffee... I don't like coffee.

   I can't decide if insane people own multiple cats or if owning multiple cats makes people insane.

   It takes two people to fall in love + one to wreck it.

   Sometimes I see people and think, "Is your face supposed to be like that?"

   I feel like people would take clinical depression more seriously if we started calling it Frown Syndrome.

   If people revolted and burned things every time Jesus was insulted then this world would be in ruins. So whats so special about this Prophet Mohammed idiot?

   If my dad were alive today he would say, "Stop telling people I'm dead".

   why do people seem to care what beauty pagent contestants say? I can't see them winning a nobel prize

   A week ago, I really hated people...today I just found out I was cooking them wrong ;)

   "You're tall. Do you play basketball?" "You're short. Do you run under tables and kick people's shins?"

   I thinkin,,, People in rubber houses shouldn't throw stones either

   The only people mad at you for speaking the truth! Are those living a lie!!!

   I love to whisper in a woman's ear. Not because I'm romantic, but because I don't want other people to hear me lying.

   It's wrong that so many people get their daily news from Jon Stewart. I get mine from Rod Stewart. Breaking news: I think I'm sexy.

   The first time I got drunk, I threw up in a neighbor's silverware drawer. I just closed it and never looked back.

   Don't you hate when people know your are lying, and they know that you know that they know you are lying, but still nobody says anything......lol so #awkward

   I use Facebook for the people I know. I use Twitter for the people I wish I knew.

   People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.

   I hate the people that cover up their answers, Like c'mon.. Lets work together bro..