Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   teens are getting drunk on Purell. But to be fair, it tastes better than Jagermeister.

   I don't know why people say that pornography is degrading to women. They're not the ones sat in front of a laptop with their trousers and pants round their ankles at three o'clock in the afternoon. I like this!

   wishes there was an app that let you reach threw the computer and slap people..

   I have more people on my block list than some of you have on your friends list. . .

   I thought about buying Hillary Clinton's latest book until Amazon suggested that people who bought this item also bought boots, plastic sheeting, lye, and shovels

   Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

   I got a chainsaw in the mail today. Now I have to send saws to five other people.

   7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.

   I come up with all my best ideas when I'm drunk.

   Its funny how some people can talk crap behind your back and then act like they got your back when they see you.

   I come from a long line of people waiting to get in.

   By the time you are old enough to go out and drink on your birthday... People stop putting money in your birthday cards so that you can actually afford to go out!

   The less people you chill with, the less drama you deal with.

   I wish instead of the stock market you could buy stock in famous people. This country is already obsessed with celebrities, we might as well have somethin to lose. Instead of hedge funds, you could buy families. I would totally buy Will Smith's family!

   Rolling a piece of toilet paper up and sticking it in your ear and just letting it hang there makes it awkward for people to talk to you.

   Seems most people live life to the foolest...

   Just admit when you're wrong, people will respect you so much more for it

   “if I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning.” And yet, people complain about today's song lyrics…

   You people freak me out talking about stalking. Especially you.... sitting there in your blue & white striped polo shirt reading that book on your couch.

   Hey nice try, people named Tristan. Or I should say Stan Stan Stan.