Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If you watch Titanic backwards, . It is a heart warming tale of a Ship Which jumps out of the water And Saves lots of drowning people . . .

   THE ALIENS ARE ATTACKING EARTH ON FRIDAY. THEIR PLAN IS TO KIDNAP ALL THE BEAUTIFUL & SEXY PEOPLE.. DONT WORRY, YOU'RE SAFE... I JUST WANTED TO SAY GOODBYE, PLEASE CHECK IN ON MY MOTHER IN LAW EVERY NOW AND THEN

   I'm on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.

   A lot of people on the packages of Halloween costumes went on to great things such as german porn and medical catalogs.

   Just got fired from my part time job working from home because "Apparently" when people call for support I shouldn't tell them that I am not wearing pants.

   Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts :: Others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

   I wish I loved anything as much as drunk girls love taking pictures.

   Hate it when people post complaints on Facebook. Those people are annoying.

   I must need glasses because everywhere I look, people seem to have two faces!

   People love to push the envelope. What they dont' know is that papercuts really hurt when I shove that envelope right back up their ass.

   "Eighty-seven percent of people think lasers are friggin' awesome." - Pew Pew Pew Research Center

   Why do people add "just sayin" we know you said it because we can read.

   Some people are like trees, they take forever to grow up.

   I want to donkey punch ignorant people

   The Media is now reporting that Christmas is actually a Russian plot hatched by Putin & Trump to lure people into a false sense of Joy. They are urging that we reject any feelings of joy and focus on being angry at the 2016 Election results.

   Female drivers: The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street.

   Nothing sums up the proud Mexican spirit on their Independence Day like drunk college girls in sombreros screaming for more Patron!

   People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the church.

   Ok super positive people, just calm down…not everything is a Gift, a Blessing or a Miracle.

   I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll have sex with me