Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Sticking ANY kind of bumper sticker on your car is a great way to let people know you're a moron.

   If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment? ;)

   If it aint broken dont fix it. Now why did Facebook people have to mess with the CHAT?

   I hate it when people ask me "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?". I mean, seriously, I do not have 2020 vision!

   Sales of Lady Gaga's newest CD have dropped 85% in the second week. As people have started actually listening to it.

   If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?

   Based on the obnoxious, drunk girl laughter coming from the car in front of me at the drive-thru, pretty sure that guy gets laid tonight.

   How are you still single ?? - people who don't know me too well

   A TV show where it's just a bunch of really fat people, seated & trying to get their phones out of the front pockets of their jeans.

   I was watching Dexter earlier. Man he's come a long way. It's amazing how he kills all those people without his old Laboratory.

   I would switch cell-phone providers if one had an "unsend my drunk text" option.

   Where do you keep your booze? I keep mine in my liver, like normal people.

   I changed my last name on Facebook to "dis", so I can start disliking the stupid stuff people post.

   Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are

   but why do famous people get things for free if they’re the ones that can afford it?

   I can't understand half the things bilingual people say.

   Sometimes,people aren't always who they seem to be and sometimes people are so much more than you originally thought ...

   Weird to think some people will have the word "cantaloupe" in their obituary.

   Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

   how do beautiful people travel? Because they certainly don't appear to be using airports.