Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   What people think of your problems: 80% don't care, 20% are glad you have them.

   People who say "don't touch me" always get touched.

   I find the people who complain constantly about people around them being fake n scandalous are usually the most fake and scandalous ones around.

   People are so rude to each other nowadays, that when one is nice and polite, it's considered a marriage proposal.

   Today, people that say "liberry" ,"Jewelerry","supposably" and the Incredible"Hawk", get to celebrate "Valentimes" Day.

   thinks that he has stumbled onto the secret of true happiness, but unfortunately, he hasn't figured out a way to charge people for it.

   going to make an app called Stephville that way people can gift me items that I need around the house.

   Psychiatric labels are nice way of sugar coating the fact that some people are just plain a$$holes.

   Alcohol...because people annoy me but I'm also lonely

   When I die I want why tombstone to offer free wifi so that people will connect to me often

   *God creating dogs,, GOD: These will be great companions for people... ANGEL: An excellent creation sir... GOD: But better than people.. Just, WAY better... esp. during election season

   2020 has really changed me, but not completely. For example, I haven’t showered in 3 days, but I still silently judge stinky people

   Love going on brewery tours. It's fun watching drunk people pretend to understand science.

   Many people seem to appreciate my honesty until I'm honest with them. Then I become an azzhole....

   You're trying to get me drunk aren't you? Me to myself

   Don't change to get people to like you. Be your self and they will respect you.

   Why are people always kicking things to the curb? If you really wanna get rid of something kick it to the middle of the street.

   When I die, I want a closed casket and "Pop goes the weasel" on repeat so people will wait in stunned horror for me to pop out.

   Why don't Polish people kill frogs? Because it's their national bird.

   The 4th of July weekend is upon us, let's celebrate by getting drunk and blowing sh!t up. Oh wait that's what we do ever weekend.