Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I want to run for president so I can make it legal to punch stupid people square in the face. I'll make punching stupid people my campaign.

   I wish I had the confidence in real life that ugly people have on Facebook.

   Pinterest lets people know things you like. For example… if you’re a man and you pin something, it lets people know you like men.

   Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can't pronounce it.

   I enjoy people who actively participate in my insanity.

   I'm not a fan of drama but I know a lot of people running for club president.

   Supports Bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

   Me: I'm really good at coming up with nicknames for people on the spot, mustache.

   People use the term "awkward conversation" like there's any other kind.

   Why the hell do people say, "Nice to meet you" when it's their first time to meet me and I haven't had any chance to say anything? How do you know it's nice to meet me? I could be an a$$hole for all you know.

   I once dated someone for two months because I was drunk.

   Nothing worse than getting drunk and slipping and falling into a relationship.

   319 million people in the US and somehow after an exhaustive search we ended up with Trump and Hillary! So .... I guess if you want a leader that is full of corruption and deceit you know which one to vote for. Or vote for the other one.

   MMA would be way better if it was two people who'd never been in a fight before and done zero training.

   Seeing people in the grocery store and talking to them and they pretend they don't know you...well played, mom...well played.

   After a long wait, the people of Liverpool finally got the news they wanted... The new iPhone will be available to rob later this month.

   I figure that “Honey Boo-Boo” show puts us about six months away from just laughing at homeless people on television.

   I wish people could listen to me when I say listening is just a waste of time

   I just realized the more I ignore people the less miserable I become.

   Blind people would be a lot more exciting if they carried around swords.