Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I feel pretty lucky. Thousands of people die every day and it's never me.

   FACEBOOK + CHRISTMAS = Endless status updates reminding you what month it is. Not to mention pages and pages of people's Xmas pics.

   Just to be on the safe side, people should probably stop wearing hoodies, and also be white.

   Handicap people should get a $200 ticket for parking in the regular spots.

   Why name hurricane gay names, like Sandy? How about Hurricane Death Megatron 300 And I guarantee people will be evacuating like they need to.

   there a special place in hell for those people who update their facebook status in church?

   My ex girlfriend felt the same way about anal, as she did about eating at McDonald's... If she was drunk enough, she would do it.

   People ask me... Why do you keep your wallet in your front pocket? I say... I like walking towards money not away from it.

   Considering the millions of people using Facebook... someone somewhere must be typing the same word at the same time as I am... so... JINX!

   Some people say saying 'I'm sorry' is a sign of weakness, I think saying 'I'm sorry' takes alot of strength...

   I don't like mornings because that's when old people are the strongest.

   People glorify being single because you can sleep with anyone you want. In reality you can only sleep with the people who want to sleep with you. That’s a very different number.

   I may lose friends. But.. People who want to BE politically correct need a red hot iron stoker stuck up their a$$es. . .

   thinks Santa should send all the naughty people Justin Bieber CDs instead of coal for Christmans

   Bumperstickers are a great way to let people know you're a moron.

   if you want to know what rich people do, just follow me. I know where they live...

   No, go ahead. Have a conversation under my status update with someone that has nothing to do with my status update. I wanted to unfriend some people today anyway and it till make my decision that much easier on who to get rid of.

   My Panic Room is every room I walk into where there's people.

   Don’t you wish some people would start using glue instead of lipstick?

   The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single last one of them.