Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People think smoking is hard to quit......but new statistics show that it aint s#it compared to quitting Facebook

   I will never tell you the number of people I've slept with, especially if you're next on my list.

   If you love someone, set them fee. If they don't come back, call them up later when you're drunk

   this the best we can do? We need to put some humor back on everyones faces, C'mon dig down deep people...

   If you don't have anything nice to say, feel free to come sit with me and we can make fun of people together.

   I'm happily married. - People who are new to Facebook.

   If I was Adam, the world would still have 2 people cause Eve would've friendzoned me :(

   Have you ever noticed that farts are always blamed on ugly people.

   We'll be with you soon, starving people of the world, first we need to fight over the ideologies of our fast-food restaurants.

   I bet I can stay drunk longer than you can complain about it.

   Maybe if you tried educating yourself as much as you try getting those abs people will like you more.

   sometimes I wonder why I hate people, then I remember, that's the plan.

   "PLAY FREE BIRD!" -Me, drunk, at the Symphony

   I got drunk last night and decided to do my own taxes. I'm getting back 4 million dollars this year!!!

   Interesting Fact: 87% of people are happily single because they don't want to share their pizza with anyone.

   It's English, not 'American English'. There is no such thing as 'American English', there is English and there are people who don't know how to speak or write English.

   Angry people who can't take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to those of us who can

   Motivate people to talk about themselves, but not to the extent they punch you.

   Why can't people tolerate a touch of their own medicine?

   They should change the name from "Girls Gone Wild" to "Girls Got Drunk!!!"