Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.

   Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.

   People tweeting............ "Damn it's September already?" What TF you thought came after August?! August Jr?

   Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.

   All these fools comparing Trump to Hitler. Trump never had people killed... Hillary Clinton did.

   Guns are not the problem. It's the people who are pulling the trigger. Taking guns away will not stop people from killing other people.

   Thought about staying home from work today but then I remembered the thousands of people on welfare are depending on me, I owe I owe its off to work I go.....

   Why Is It That People Always Point At Their Wrists When Asking For The Time? Do They Think I Don't Know Where My Watch Is?

   •I have an amazing ability! I find objects just before people lose them. The police, however, call it theft.

   You would think old people would drive a lil faster...I mean its not like they have alot of time to waste..Right?

   I shave my pubic hair for the same reason I don't put garnishes on food. It's not polite to make people push things aside to keep on eating.

   Do people with cats not know about dogs?

   Wow. The people of Egypt are really going nuts over this Zimmerman trial..

   If we can afford to have armed guard for our money at the banks, surely we can afford to have armed guards for our kids at schools. Where are your priorities people?

   I can tell people are judgemental just by looking at them...

   I think homeless people would have more money for food if they didn't spend it all on black markers, cardboard signs and collection cups.....

   just because your school can get 100,000 fans before another doesn't make it better... only thing it says is grads from your school have more free time. maybe because the other school's grads are at work while you're at home stalking people on facebook.

   The karaoke guy got cut from American Idol last night...maybe you should be nicer to people...ya prick.

   One of the high points about me working Sunday mornings...is reading the status updates people post after a night of drinking!

   *Logs onto FaceBook and reads* 5 song lyrics, 2 people telling what they're doing right then at that very moment, 3 stupid pictures of food or funny faces, 4 attempts at a witty remark, 1 truly funny witty remark, and a person who likes 75 pages.