Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I'm tired of wasting time on people who won't waste any time on me.

   i hate people who take drugs, customs and police for example

   Hang in there poor people. Only 2 more years until Democrats pretend to care about you again.

   I've often wondered, what do people in China call their good plates?

   There are two types of people in this world: People who like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups...and complete and utter monsters.

   I'm going to a Halloween party without a shirt, so when people ask what I'm supposed to be I can say a premature ejaculation... I just came in my pants.

   I do not understand why people create gags about 10.10.10, 11.11.11 or 12.12.12 while everyone knows that nothing can replace the curiosity of 36.24.36

   Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming forks for making Rosie O'Donnell fat.

   Gonna try grocery shopping drunk. Can't believe I've never thought if this before.

   People dropout of school and get a job at McDonald's talking bout "on my grind" yeah okay, GRIND me up a Oreo McFlurry with yo dumb ass

   Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.

   I like to scare deaf people by yawning at them.

   People always ask me, where do I come up with my status', do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.

   It's sad when people on welfare make more money than I do

   When your drunk, leftovers aren't so bad....... this may or may not be about food.

   I don't blame Trump for speaking via Twitter. Far better to speak directly to the people than through a biased media who twists his every word.

   I love seeing all these tolerant people bashing religion!

   Check One : [] single [] taken [X] climbin in yo window, snatchin yo people up.

   I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

   I posted on Facebook I was no Gynagoligist,but i'll take a look. I got "17 people like this.And best of all 5 appointments !