Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   keeping herself busy with coffee until it's time to get DRUNK :)

   If I win Power Ball tonight....I'll spend the rest of my life in my whitie tighties judging people on the internet. So basically same thing just $550 million richer.

   We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And some people still wonder why some are afraid when they are told they are loved.

   Love may not make the world spin around but it certainly makes alot of people dizzy.

   An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth.

   I like to go up to people playing Solitaire and ask "Who's winning?"

   Life is like Facebook. People will LIKE your problems & comment, but no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.

   If tonight goes just as planned for most people, we should see a lot of new babies in November

   Don't forget to pay your taxes this year so the Government can give it to people that don't work as hard as you.

   Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?

   Some people solely exist to test your patience and self-control.

   You've really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can't reach it.

   Liquor stores should deliver to do their part to help with the drunk driving problem.

   I'm Mexican, but not "cut your lawn" Mexican. I will, however, steal your job and live with 28 other people.

   hates people who use facebook to exhibit depression and their general hate for the world...this is not therapy ppl. I dont give a f***

   I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...

   HEY,,,People of Canada: Why do you leave all of your coins here?

   Every time something like this BATMAN thing happens, the yanks try to take the guns off the people who were not doing the shooting. Just saying, the rest of the world!

   The more I see of the people against Trump,the more I'm convinced to vote for him .

   Why do people feel comfortable texting you things they would never have the guts to say to your face?