Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just being ambidextrous.

   Not many people know this but the work "Karate" is an old Chinese word that means, "My kid can't hit a baseball"

   I always wondered why cross eyed people never get hit crossing the road. Then it hit me. They are always looking both ways.

   So sad... Please put this on your status if you know or are related to someone who suffers from stupidity. People need to understand that stupidity is real and should be taken seriously. You could be sitting next to a stupid person right now.

   His haters would rather see people die than ever let him have a victory or give him any credit.

   Most Good People Say: Forgive & Forget, But 9/11 Is Not One Of Those Days That Is Possible...

   When people tell me I can't do something, I prove them wrong by complaining about it on Facebook.

   pretty sure the people who dislike the popular posts are gothic kids that just want to be different.

   Ugly people with beautiful babies should be investigated for child kidnapping.

   Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults.

   I fear the day I get so drunk that I actually accept Facebook's request to change my profile over to Timeline.

   so surprised I dont see more homeless people wearing bowling shoes..

   You can do nice things for people all the time & they never notice.But once you make one mistake, its never forgotten.

   Marriage is like a casino...you go in all excited and optimistic, you stumble out broke, drunk and talking to yourself.

   I always thought GTFO meant Great, Terrific, Fantastic, & Outstanding... so, I guess all those people weren't paying me compliments after all!

   Statistics show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy playing Russian Roulette

   I'm thinking about becoming a psychic...But I don't know what people would think.

   Remember, life isn't about accumulating stuff. It's about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.

   Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn't have said.

   its Columbus Day! Find some people who look comfortable and make them move!