Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If my Boobs sag any more people are going to think they are nuts!

   I wonder how many old people have died trying to cut open tennis balls to put on their walker.

   Some people live upside down. They like to talk out their ass and the only thing that comes out their mouth is sh!t.

   I hug people I hate so I know how big I need to dig the hole in my backyard.

   Excuse me, teenage girl? You're not"cool and outspoken" when you go up to random people and say things like,"I hate your haircut," or "Your style is bad," You're a b!tch who deliberately hurts people's feelings in an attempt to get attention.

   Every time I get really drunk I start acting like I'm British, and by that I mean I drive on the left side of the road.

   I sent the wrong texts to the wrong people. Now my wife thinks that I'm going to f*ck her and my girlfriend thinks that I have to work late.

   "Laws should be like clothes. They should be made to fit the people they serve.

   I don't know about you but I'm that guy who will strike up a conversation with you while waiting in a long line.Tell a joke to all the people standing there to change their day and mine also. I enjoy people..... and life is too short!

   Being in LOVE is like Being DRUNK. No control over what you do.

   People who say you "tweet too much" need to take their asses back to MYSPACE cause you won't be seeing anything "too much".

   So why do people say they're speechless... And then give a speech?

   doesn't get drunk - I get awesome!

   It drives me nuts when people say "I could care less" which indicates that you do infact care. But if you "COULDN'T care less" that, my dear friend, is when you really don't give a sh*t.

   People say I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).

   got a leaflet asking to donate clothes for the starving people of the 3rd world......I laughed so hard...if they can fit into my clothes then they are not starving

   When I'd go to clubs, I'd spend half the time texting people who weren't there. Eventually I realized I could just send those texts from home.

   Hey, people who back their cars into parking spaces. I've seen enough overachieving out of you for the day.

   Some people are still alive today only because it's against the law to kill them

   To the people on FB who creep on the reg, yet never post anything and never comment on anything.. I know your out there, and I know your reading this..