Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   We don't need "another" Immigration Bill. We need to enforce the law of the land and send them HOME.... Since when it is become fashionable to REWARD people for breaking the law????

   People who work on their tablets all day and play games all night burn the Kindle at both ends.

   you are so beautiful that when we are out, people assume I'm dying and you must be from the Make a Wish Foundation.

   Dear people posting pics of things they got for Valentine's Day: Please stop it! Spare us the cheesiness and keep that sh!t to yourself. Sincerely, Single People

   Nobody in Yemen likes the Flintstones. Which is funny, because people of Abu Dhabi do.

   Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.

   My uncle reads the obituaries every day. He can never get over the fact that people always seem to die in alphabetical order.

   On Facebook, people respect you for sharing your deepest secrets and flaws. Unless those flaws are typos, in which case, die in a fire.

   If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

   Why do people thinks that pressin the elevator button manny times It will come down faster!

   I'm so drunk I almost went outside.

   I wish "Earth Day" was a realityh show in which we can vote people off of the planet.

   I wasn't speeding officer, but I passed several people who were!

   Drunk Logic: "she's only ugly in the face."

   I'd like to dedicate my farts to those people that drive slow but then speed up when you try and overtake them.

   Drunk walking home is much more fun than drunk driving home, and much less dangerous. For instance, if you knock over something driving home, you are screwed. If you knock over something while drunk walking home, everyone cheers.

   I'll be starting group meetings at my house for people with OCD. Not because I have it, but because I know someone will get the urge to clean up my damm house! OCD'ers...Cheaper than maid service!

   It never ceases to amaze me how people will try to bring you down when you're on your way up. Two words for those soul suckers, fah q!

   "I am sick of people getting "offended" by what I say...put on your big girl panties and deal with it

   I never realized how many people I hate until I got on facebook...