Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   The Internet is like alcohol, it gives people courage.

   Being an adult is pretty easy. You just feel tired all the time & tell people about how tired you are & they tell you how tired they are.

   Weird, thousands of people working from home getting paychecks and not a single one has called in sick all week.

   Oh not seeing enough tests?? I thought people were saying they aren't seeing enough breasts. Either way, I agree.

   Bank robbers give a bad name to people who just want to deposit their check with a mask on.

   I like to yell "Don't Forget!" to people as I am leaving so they panic over nothing

   Social Distancing has taken all the sport out of trying to avoid people.

   GIRLFRIEND: So tell me something I don’t already know about you. ME: During October I call my Dyson ‘Count Vacula’ HER: I need to see other people.

   I'd rather stay home and be bored out of my mind than interact with people

   So many people are obsessed with vampires these days. Who needs vampires when a mortgage and a job are enough to suck the life out of you?

   Do people who have wind chimes know that not having wind chimes is also an option

   I hate when people see me at a grocery store and say, "Hey! What are you doing here?"... I'm like "oh you know, just hunting elephants and stuff..."

   I've started acting like my great grandpa when people are at my house, I sit in my favorite chair and hand them a dish of sh*tty candy.

   Valentine's Day: Reminding unhappy single people that they're unhappy & single since the 19th century.

   Divorce: A legal document for married people to hate each other.

   I get it fireworks, people set me off too.

   It's cute how you tell people you're broke they think you mean financially and not emotionally.

   OMG I'm so happy! I finally won one of the 350 PS4's that were being given away. I also won one of Dodge Chargers that couldn't be sold and were being given away to random people, and my Dream RV is on its way all for pushing "like" and "share".

   Always buy those nonprofit charity run tshirts from Goodwill so people will think I care about stuff.

   One time I told a rival dad that the air pressure looked low in one of his tires right in front of a group of people.