Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If there was a hero that saved people from awkward conversations, he'd be more popular than Superman

   -- People often offer me incentives to quit smoking such as ......"Think of all the money you'd save".........Surely that'd just be the money i'd need to survive my longer life ?...

   •Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

   thinks people need to quit confusing Facebook with a clothes line. It is not a place to air your dirty laundry.

   People who can't find happiness aren't in a liquor store.

   I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?

   Lance Armstrong cheated this whole time? Yeah right...next thing you're going to tell me is that Subway's footlong sandwiches are only 11 inches long...silly people...

   If there's anything I teach my daughter it will be to not ignore the nerds. Those people grow up to be sexy!

   ‎1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother George. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's George.

   I hate when I see the skinniest people at the gym, Why are you there, YOU WON ALREADY!

   Are the people that leave their Christmas lights on the house and just turn them on in December smart or just plain lazy??

   The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

   You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let's negotiate.

   I bet more people call the gambling addicts helpline if they made every 10th caller a winner! ♠♥♣♦😃😳

   How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.

   Dear Straight People: Take Justin Bieber back. We don't want him either. -G@y People

   If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they'll tell you how great you look at 250.

   I don't trust people who have carpet in their kitchen.

   If I ever get rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

   Before Facebook, I had told maybe six people "Happy Birthday," ever.