Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Attention all crackheads,and homeless people.... it is a very bad time to ask me if I have any "spare change" when I'm pumping $4.39 a gallon gas into my car.

   The bigfoot post was awesome. Pay attention people, this is the kind of stuff we're looking for!

   as a proud bully, I am tired of being picked on and harassed by these antibully people.

   People always talk bout hard work, but you can work hard your whole life and not get anywhere...take my advice, work smart, not hard

   They say "You are what you eat"... so maybe we should eat skinny people.

   What people call it the presidential debate, I call it the world's most expensive puppet show.

   I bet people at my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.

   People who take the elevator up one floor should wear signs reading "I quit trying at life long ago."

   has 2 mysterious people living in our house... Somebody and Nobody. Somebody did it and nobody knows who!

   My biggest fear is dying and becoming a ghost that has to go around and get people to try my blueberry cereal.

   Why are there never any protests at events for Hillary or Bernie? Because those people have jobs and are at work.

   I can remember a time when we didn’t allow crazy people to be in charge of running things.

   Shout out to all the people in church today, who didn't speak to anyone, cause their breath still smelled like Jack Daniels.

   Be positive. Every morning look yourself in the mirror and say: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people want to f*ck me.

   Games will be played, lies will be told, hearts and promises will be broken, feelings will be hurt, tears will fall, people will change, trust will be betrayed, and rumors will spread. But through it all, life will always go on.

   I love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell GOT IT then run away.

   People learn english all the time, It arent that hard

   People who bring up your past are threatened by your present and the undeniable fact that your future looks brighter than theirs.

   Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.

   Morning texts are for people you love, Midnight texts are for people you wanna f*ck