Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   your not drunk till you have to grab the grass to keep from falling off the earth

   This just isn't working out.... I think we should start being other people.

   Dear people who dont rate a joke after it makes them laugh, F*ck you!! >:p

   More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.

   Just realized how sad it is when people watch reality tv rather than going out and having a reality!

   I think “be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give to some people.

   The most disturbing part of those Orkin commercials is that the people seem used to speaking with 6 foot tall insects.

   Negative people and stupid people should be tape recorded and forced to listen to their own bullsh*t.

   I never understood why people use a persons picture for their caller ID; me personally I prefer to take a picture of myself and how that person makes me feel.

   Remember the old days when people screwed up their relationships naturally, without the help of the Internet? Those were good times.

   Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

   I like to stare at people. If they try to leave I put one finger on my ear and say The Buffalo is roaming. I repeat The Buffalo is roaming.

   The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

   I need to be a greeter at Walmart so I can direct people appropriately. "Nair for your lady mustache aisle 4...Deodorant for that stench aisle 5..." etc.

   Why are people so upset about Kellyanne Conway on her knees in the Oval Office. This just happens to be the first time this event has been captured on film

   69% of people on FB are childish and immature

   Forget healthcare, welfare, and gun control.... if you want to get to the root of this countries problems, look no further than the people who use hashtags on Facebook.

   What is more annoying than Valentine's Day? The people that won't shut the hell up about how much they hate Valentine's Day.”

   if you aren't pissing off at least 10 people a day, you aren't trying...

   I wish people were like money,so you could hold them up to the light to see which one's are real and which one's are fake.